12.03.05

i’m just scared that if and when i realize it, it’ll be too painful to handle.

i miss you.i love you.

drug.

What’s done is done.

It’s apparent that I couldn’t finish what I had begun.

I’ve had my battles and my victory with my someone.

Never thought that I could ever do what I did to anyone.

Never thought that it would end like that with the one I love.

Never thought I’d ignore the one I trust.

Never knew why I did all the things I did, all the things I said.

All I know is that she’ll be better in time. And I’ve got some things to fix while

I stay ill off the aroma of love and all its attributes that make me sick.

I’ll stay where I am while I let her move to where she needs to be—where she deserves to be.

She’s better than me and everything that is me. I’d take a piece of me and burn it to make her happy.

It seems like that’s the only thing I can do. Whatever it takes, just make her happy.

I can’t let her live like this waiting for me to come back around. Cuz while she waits, she can probably be happier with something that will come around.

I leave humbled and broken. I’ve gotta do this for us whether we talk or remain unspoken.

I’ve gotta be strong now so that you can go and live your life and teach and learn.

You’ve been strong too long for a person that couldn’t do the same in return.

Now’s my time to wonder where you are, what you’re doing, who you’re with, and if you’re okay.

I’m so glad I even had a girl like you who knew me.

I’ll let you go, cuz in these case that’s all that I can do to show, how much I love you.

In this case that’s how you will know how much I love you.

Maybe not now, but whenever it is, I just hope you’ll understand why we’re going through all of this shit.

I love you be smart, stay strong, live happy.

DIAF

How come most of the people that i know have trouble tryna sleep?

i know why.they get in to a love so deep.

and can’t seem to climb out of a depression so steep.

your head up is so hard to keep.

and when you get the bad news its so hard to speak.

cuz it hits hard and keeps you off of your feet.

and it never cease, never skips a beat.

i say get up, you’ve got no need to cry.

don’t wanna be crying for the rest of your life.

but whats life without the person that you’d love the most?

i get where they’re coming from but not where they’ll go.

i wanna leave em now but i can’t let go.

i wanna stop loving, but its hard not to show.

i know i’ll always love you but what do you know?

FIRST DAY…

Today, like everyother day, has been the worst day but then others say, “you gotta be grateful..” that I am, “you can’t be saying how you’ve got it bad..”

So I stay quiet, cuz I make others mad.

But I shouldn’t cuz it makes me sad.

I could pull quotes for days like I pull good grades.

Cuz living how I’m living is like living with AIDS.

I can’t really be me, I’M TOO POOR TO BE FREE.

And it’s even harder cuz no one knows it but me.

It’s like I’m being plagued with sickness, but I never picked this.

Shit, I’ve been in your face for 19 years and YOU STILL CAN’T SEEM TO FIX THIS?

Man you’re ridiculous.

You close your ears to the truth like you’re dickless.

You won’t admit this, and I can see it.

You’re trying way too hard thinking that I would be it.

Well get over it cuz it’s done, you say I’m obsessed with fun?

Well you’re obsessed with rum and shit that grows dumb.

I’ve grown up a bit since the last time you said.

But too bad my grown up was useless cuz you can’t even see it.

So open up those bugs, and cool down your blood.

You’re vision is unclear like white dipped in mud.

You stay so inconsistent, yet stupidly persistent.

I don’t wanna follow the bad news, THAT’S why I’m resistent.

So I stay distant. I don’t even wanna talk to you.

Cuz you say you have, but you’ve only sacrificed for one and not for two.